Locombia

If I were to name my favourite country so far it would be Colombia. It is absolutely amazing. In part, because there are virtually no tourists, except for places like Cartagena and Bogotá. Even so, the people who do make it to Colombia are different. It takes a special state of mind to break the Colombian stereotype. Actually, it is impossible to do until you enter the country.

There are many things in Colombia that are fascinating. The nature (I have never seen the grass as green in my life) the lakes the rivers the Caribbean, the flowers and butterflies, I could not take my camera off them. The food, oh god, finally after often painful, stomach-struggling Central America I could really enjoy my meals, along with incredibly cheap and good bread and croissants (I gained about 4-5 kilos within 4 weeks in Colombia). The colonial architecture of Colombia is better preserved then the in C.A. (less earthquakes and riots) and absolutely spectacular. The plazas, cathedrals, white-washed streets full with pleasant people, the people of Colombia are extremely nice, they are unbelievably sweet and lovely (with the only exception of Captain Freddy, it is a shame that he is Colombian). Because the tourists and backpackers are few the locals are very much interested in foreigners. That alone made conversations pleasurable and improved my Spanish a lot. Let me tell you a little about my 4 weeks in Colombia.

After enjoying Sapzurro I went to Cartagena, where I spend over a week because of the rain, migration problems and nice people I met there. I did not want to leave, in fact, I did not want to leave from ANY place in Colombia, I had to drag myself out of the towns I was currently in. The reason for that was that I was only allowed one month in Colombia and I wanted to see as much as possible. Cartagena was very nice a little too touristy and there were lots of Israelis (well, they are everywhere in S.A. I’m afraid of going to Cusco, its their capital in S.A.) but after all it was a Caribbean port and after a week of sailing I did not mind that at all. Before making my way south to Medellin I went to La Baqulla, an hour away drive from Cartagena to the abandon beach. The coastline starched for miles and miles there were hundreds of little tents with empty hummocks. Nobody went there, I don’t know why. I spent all day there, watching the sea and reading Kurt Vonnegut’s “Galapagos Islands” in the hummock, eating Caribbean chicken soup and a plate of rice with meat an vegetables for breakfast, a fish soup and fried mojara fish with plantains for dinner, plus 2 beers. Then I was taken on a tour through the mangroves to see pink flamingos. The ride was cool (there is a video) , however I did not see any flamingos, but for $13 (for everything I have just described) that was more than anybody can ask for. That was my saying farewell to the Caribbean and the Atlantic Ocean; I don’t know when I’ll see it again…

Medillin is famous for its increasable parties and I was advised to go there on Thursday or Friday night. I went there on Monday or Tuesday, everybody said that it was useless. Huh, hell with parties, it was a very nice town; it is located in the beautiful valley between two mountain chains. Very modern and developed but very clean and with efficient transport system (it has an elevated metro, plus cable cars going up for several miles). By the way it is one of the very few countries in Latin America where people care about their environment, simply said, don’t litter on the streets or throw garbage out of the window of the bus. From there I went to Bacaramanga. There were several reasons to go to that funky named town. Bacaramanga is the capital of Santander region, this region is famous for 3 things: Colombian cigars, large mountain ants, which they fry and eat, and my favourite (I found this out much later) the Santander chocolate.
Also, I did not want to take a 16 hour bus from Medellin to Bogota, so instead I went to a bunch of littlie Colonial towns. I’ve seen a local fiesta with Adam, Eve and a little devil (Giron), smoked Colombian cigars in San Gil, enjoyed the lok of the best colonial town I’ve seen in my life, I mean it, it was absolutely incredible – Barichara, then off to Tunja (3000 m above the see level) to prepare myself for Bogota (2600 m). It was crazy cold there, so I went to Villa de Leyba to see another fiesta and a cool “military” parade.
Bogota was a lot of fun. I did discover that I had an altitude sickness (it went off in several weeks). I accidentally ran into Ruth and Kevin (see previous post) in a club. After that I went to San Agustin, an absolute delight. I stayed in a cabaña, on to of the hill overlooking the canyon with several waterfalls. The region is “completely occupied” by guerrillas so there was only 3 foreigners in town, plus some people from Bogota. We drank lots very, very cheap “Chicha”, and had a lot of fun.

There are many other things I’ve done of course went to museums and parks, met many nice people and ate many good things, but my time in Colombia was running out (I had only a month, and I almost spent all) So. There I was, all upset about leaving, but very much open to new experiences in Ecuador. I have taken a very not traditional rote – I went to Macoa, a capital of Putomayo, the only true indigoes region in Colombia where Indians still make Yaje ceremony. From there I took a 5 hour jeep ride through the mountains, the altitude sometimes reached 4000 m, the road was not paved, and there were literally hundreds of waterfalls. It was pretty scary, especially after the sun set…

Anyways, I’ll be back, I’ve never said it before but Colombia is the best country I have seen so far and I want to be back… But for now, listen to this people:

I am flying to GALAPAGOS tomorrow!!!

Ai ai, Captain!

“...Do you think I am an asshole?

You think I don’t know how to sail?”

Captain Freddy Mono

It was the most memorable trip of my life so far. I can describe it with 3 adjectives: the best, the bad, and the worst, not in that specific order. I have never sailed for almost a week in my life, so was not sure what to expect but I certainly did not expect that… But lets start from the beginning.

I met 2 Irish in the hostel in Panama who were going to Columbia. I decided not to go on a coconut boat, nor I wanted to pay $275 for the trip. Apparently, there was an alternative, which was going on a sailboat to the Panamanian-Colombian border and then taking a speedboat to the city where it would be possible to take a bus. That coasted $180, but there was a trick, the captain would not provide food and the speedboat and buses to Cartagena would costs at least $50. Well, it still seemed a little cheaper, also there were no boats going to Cartagena directly until next week, I liked the Irish couple, Kevin and Ruth (actually, there were not a couple), so I went with them. After all, I did not have to do anything, just pay. Sounds easy enough, so little did I know.

I began suspecting something when I found out that this captain was affiliated with this fishy Kuna guy - Gamaine. However, the plan seemed reasonable enough, the price too, was satisfactory. So, we went, as we were advised, to Colon and then a port of Portobello to catch a bus to La Guerra. The problems began when we got into traffic on the way to Colon, so we arrived quite late and caught a bus to Portobello, we had little time to spare so went straight to supermarket to get ourselves some food for a 4-6 days. That was, as we understood later, very unusual, because all the other captains provided food and cooked for their passengers, soon we found out why our case was different. Anyways, we did not get on a last bus to La Guerra and had to take a taxi. After all, we made it to the boat and finally met the captain. His name was Freddy, he was very skinny looking, almost anorexic, Columbian (I kept wondering throughout the journey if he was a drug addict, perhaps he was). There also was his, as he quickly point out, sick wife and 19 year old daughter. So here it was 3 of us and 3 of them, us against them, or vice versa, but we just did not know it then.

It was too late to sail the same night, so we just went to sleep anchored by Isla Granda, a mosquito plantation, as it was described by Freddy. We thought that it was a sarcastic joke and did not really pay attention, after all, we all had repellents. None of us, except for Freddy’s family of course, had a minute of sleep that night. As it was described by Ruth: “That was the worst night of her life, yet”. Kevin, her companion, simply said, that it was the longest and most intense one. As for me, not sleeping for the whole night, being attacked by helicopter-like mosquitoes (the noise was unbelievably loud) and jerking my body every 30 seconds, so these creatures would not drain my blood completely dry, was not the worst nor most intense experience. Both of my new Irish friends had hundreds of bites and dark blue sacks under their eyes. Apparently, “not all repellents created equally”, my repellent was a bit better and I managed to keep the bites to a dozens or so, and as far as sleepless night, oh well, it just one of those. The whole thing was pretty bad but it was just the beginning. Freddy simply ignored the whole story, I was a little annoyed by that and asked him if he slept this night. He suddenly seemed to be both shocked and angry with this question and replied that he had to take care of his wife all night, and asked me angrily if I was satisfied with that answer. I guess, this was when things went wrong with Freddy and me.

Next night we spend anchored by one of the 300 Robinson-like islands of San Blast (Kuna Yala) archipelago. I was very annoyed to learn that we could actually buy the food on the islands, that information was not at all provided. Anyways, it was real pretty. We met a lot of “mola” sellers, the rugs were pretty but the prices were not justified. After all, they don’t pay shit for the land they live on, not only they have an autonomy from Panama but also became Panamanian tourist attraction, and mola - Panamanian indigoes form of art. So they, make quite a load of money. This situation with Kuna people, their prices, lying about every subject Gamaine (Kuna), who advertised the trip, along with the captain Freddy, who was on top of my list of annoyment. The food situation pissed the hell out of me, because I bought so much of it, and it was not cheap. So I asked Freddy where we were going the next day. I wanted to know weather or not I should cook for the day or wait till we arrive on the next island. He looked at me as if I asked him something outrageous, like if he shits with cocaine. He said that we are going to Colombia, I wanted to go to Colombia did not I?, he asked me. I ignored him. By know, I knew that he was not exactly “friendly” type of person, in fact, I believed that he was actually somewhat crazy. I shared my opinion with the Irish, they didn’t really confirm it at that stage. Kevin speculated that being alone on the boat would make anybody antisocial. Also, he told me that he asked Freddy if that was possible to fish, he said yes, and promised to get some bait from the island. Then he said that he used to be a fisherman and now he doesn’t like to kill fish anymore, that fishes were his friends. Naturally, he never brought any bait. I guess, canned tuna was not his friend, because I saw him eating it! Well, peaces of puzzle were falling in place by now. I concluded that he was absolutely insane, plus a control freak.

Here is what happened: I was going down inside the cabin, the entrance of which was located right behind the steering wheel, the control panel was located on the left, just inside the cabin on the left side, I would not be surprised to find out that this insane, completely impractical design, was Freddy’s idea. Anyways, I was going up and down, doing all the cooking, because Kevin got seasick and Ruth could not swallow the gasoline fumes inside the kitchen anymore (I don’t know why the “kitchen” smelled like inside of the SUV tank). So, I accidentally hit the starter button. The entrance was very small, the fucking button was just under my left elbow. It was an honest mistake, caused by improperly constructed sailboat. Nothing really happened, there was a little noise in the engine, and everything went back to normal. Freddy woke up immediately after he heard the noise. He yelled at me, and told me that I was breaking his boat. I said that I was sorry and ignored him again; he went back to sleep. After some time, he caught me passing in close proximity of that starer button! Five minutes after this, he called me up. Later the Irish told me that they thought he was going to apologies for his behavior. Oh how wrong they were. Here I was, 8 years old again, being yelled at for something that was not even my fault. He started his speech with a little something which I remembered exactly, word for word, and it is in the epigraph of this story. After that, he said that I always ask him questions, and should calm down, otherwise he could deliver me on one of the 3 villages which were on the Panamanian side. He was going on and on and I kept my mouth shut. I knew that he was bluffing but did not want to exercise my luck in a Derian Gap. I was standing there looking at him amazed, not with his stupid nonsense, but with myself. I was not scared of him but yet I kept it quiet. The only thing I said, was that, I was sorry again to cause him trouble and explained my questions as a form of joke. To which he responded that he doesn’t do jokes and hates then other joke and I promised not to make any on his boat ever again. Now that sounds like I backed out and indeed I did. In fact, I was very proud of that. Never in my life I was able to contain myself like this, but I knew it was absolutely no use, yet it never stopped me before. Even Kevin and Ruth were surprised by my reaction, or rather lack of it. The funniest thing was that I managed to ignore him again.

We arrived on very beautiful island where I met other captains swapping stories about crazy Freddy. Apparently, he was famous for that! The insanity continued. We never new what was our next move! His daughter, Ingrid, as bossy as her father was teaching us how to paddle. You should’ve seen that, she was yelling at me and Kevin in Spanish: “Durro, durro” (which means “harder, stronger”), I had a laugh, but still wanted to drown her. We called her bossy Sirena. She smoked some pot on the island an became a little mellow, she even allowed us to paddle our own way to another sailboat to see her friends. There was a similar scenario: a Frenchman making a little extra cash delivering backpackers to and from Panama. But how different the atmosphere was. The guests and captain were cooking together, then the cap open a bottle of rum and began to play a guitar and sang. We felt like we just sentenced a 20 year term, in a high security prison and were not prepared for a civil life. We had a lot of fun comparing the situations on the boats anchored just 20 meters from each other, luckily the bossy Sirena did not understand any English.

This went for 5 days. Despite of everything we had a lot of fun and “grew stronger” so to speak. The whole last days of our journey we were accompanied by lots of dolphins. They would appear in front off the boat and would swim along for hours. We never got tired of watching them. It was like a little manifestation of a greater good. Moreover, when we arrived at our destination point and crazy Freddy rushed us out of the boat the very second we anchored (in fact, he stayed at this spot for several days! What an asshole); but is was for the best, because the Sapzurro was the best place I have seen so far, we all agreed on that. It was a paradise, everything there was in contrary to what we had on the boat. There was a steady ground (I was like a true seaman, who got of the boat, rocking for 2 days), there were flowers and fruits everywhere. Hundreds of thousands of mangos and avocados, star fruits and many others I don’t know names for. Our host, Alfredo, or simply Chileno, as he was known to locals (he was from Chile), was the sweetest man. Also there was a great red snapper, cheap beer and ability to eat as much guacamole as human body would process. There was so much fruits everywhere, that I even cooked beans with mango sauce and slices of star fruits.

We stayed there for 2 days instead of one and when we went to a nearest town to get our speed boat (200 horse power) we met Freddy with his, not sick anymore, wife; he said that we should get our entry stamps done here, asap. We ignored him, we were no longer in his command and enjoyed our freedom, besides, there was no time. We hoped to get our stamps done in the next town, which was Turbo. Well, there was trouble. In Turbo we learned that we are illegal trespassers and cant get the stamps and should pay a fine of a $100 each. We were outraged and went to Cartagena on a next bus. On a next day, the chef migration of Cartagena told us to pay $250 each, and leave the country immediately! I knew we should’ve done the fucking stamps in that damned town, like Freddy said, but it was too late. Again, the border-crossing.., when will I learn? We managed to negotiate, negotiate (!) with the chef of migration, a $135 fine and 30 days. He too, was an asshole. He was pulling out numbers, like some kind of magician would do with rabbits, except the numbers were pulled out of his ass .

It took me (and the rest of us) 2 days, several application forms, 5 photographs, fingerprints of all 10 fingers, several photocopies, 2 bank transfer and a hanging folder!!! They wanted a folder for my documents, can you believe this!?

P.S. In Cartagena, I heard a story about 2 Israelis, who got absolutely outraged with Freddy’s attitude and his nonsense, that they demanded the money and their passports back. He did not want to give them any of that. Little did he know about Israeli patience. They've just beaten him up, took the money their passports and got off the boat. Freddy called police and the guys spent a night in jail. Not sure how it went after that but they got to Columbia all right, with another captain who even walked them to the migration office where they got their entry stamps done. I suppose that happened right before our trip with Freddy, no wonder he was worried about me ;) . Oh well, he was an asshole anyways.